The Fear Factor

In the April newsletter I wrote briefly about letting go of my fear of living alone, which was something that terrified me 6 years ago. Learning to be alone with myself is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, and today it is still the one accomplishment that I am most proud of. 

Recently my partner and I came to the realization that our relationship was not sustainable and so we’ve chosen to separate and remain good friends. We’ve learned alot about ourselves and from each other over the past couple of years. One thing I’ve learned about myself is, I value living alone and having the freedom to never disappoint myself, something I still find difficult to do in a relationship. Obviously, I am still a work in progress. 😊

Why do I share this information with you and what does it have to do with fear? 

I’m glad you asked.

I share this information with you to illustrate how fear can show up in so many different ways.

One of the things we enjoyed doing together was hiking and exploring new places. And once we decided to go our separate ways, I was hit with a wave of fear. Not a fear of living alone, but a fear of stepping out into the wilderness alone. A fear of going hiking alone, exploring national parks alone or heaven forbid, camping alone.

I found that my brain immediately reverted back to a time when I was convinced others needed to make decisions for me, because I was too frail, too delicate and simply not capable of making wise decisions for myself. I heard my mind say, you can’t go hiking alone, it's dangerous out there on the trails. What if you get lost or encounter a snake or something even more dangerous? Women your age don’t go hiking alone. Women your age don’t go on adventures in the wilderness.  (I’m 60 this year, 2022). The negative stories, comments and advice came rushing in, flooding my mind with “I can’t” statements. 

Enough!

I said to myself. Sure I could listen to the stories running through my mind, stay home and wait for others to be available to go hiking. Or I could choose to go hiking all by myself. In that moment I could feel the scared little girl inside me cringe in fear, and so I put my hand on my heart, smiled compassionately and said, “It’s all gonna be alright. You can do this.” And then with a pause and a sigh, I said to myself “I can do this.” 

And in that moment,

I realized I didn’t have to go running into the deep woods of the forest to enjoy my love of nature. I could start small by going on well traveled hikes, hikes close to home, hikes with lots of people around and no real way to get lost. And that is exactly what I did. 

When I stepped out of the house and onto the trails of North Mountain in Phoenix, Arizona, do you know what I found? I found the trails I hiked alone were filled with the same friendly folks, chipmunks, and occasional lizards as they had always been. And so, I began exploring new trails, finding a deeper sense of confidence and determination with every step.

When we find the courage to get curious and question the fear stories running through our minds, we can almost always find the strength to let go of fear and lean into living our best life.

Check out my first solo hike on YouTube.

Let me know in the comments what fear is keeping you from experiencing and how you are working to overcome it.