Self-Love
There is no easy button when it comes to self-love and self-acceptance.
There are, however, small steps and actions we can take to build upon the love and compassion we deserve for ourselves.
One small action we can do is to tell ourselves deeply and mindfully “I love you” or “I love myself”. It may seem simple and a bit silly, but trust me these are powerful healing words.
There are many suggestions on how one can go about this practice, so I will share the two I practice most often.
One way to practice saying “I love you” or “I love myself”
Find a comfortable place sitting or lie down on the floor. I like to lie down so my body is completely relaxed. I also like to play soft meditation music throughout this practice. I place one hand on my heart and one hand on my stomach, this helps to bring the body into a state of calm and relaxation.
I then do slow mindful breathing to bring me into the present moment. Once I feel relaxed I begin to say, on repeat “I love you”, “I love you”, “I love you”. I say these words to myself as I would say them to a child needing to be comforted, with compassion and kindness and I continue to say them until I feel the love in my body.
Two things will most likely happen during this practice. One, your mind will tell you how silly this whole thing is and make you question why you would do such a thing. This is simply your mind trying to protect you from the emotions and feelings of sadness and discomfort that may arise. Our brains are designed to protect us from pain and discomfort at all costs. That is, after all, its sole purpose, to protect us and keep us safe. When this happens you might say something like, “Thank you for looking after me. I am safe and these feelings (identify the feelings) of sadness and frustration are okay and they will pass.” Then return to saying “I love you”. I like to repeat these words until I can feel them or feel the safety, comfort and security in my body.
The second, is that you may be overcome by a flood of emotions and tears will begin to fall. It is normal to have this flood of emotions, afterall you are showing yourself love and compassion for the first time in a long time. I find this a wonderful way to release trapped emotions. So, embrace the tears and let them flow as you continue to say “I love you” with one hand on your heart and the other on your abdomen.
Another way to practice saying “I love you” is standing in front of the mirror looking into your own eyes. Again, place one hand on your heart and the other hand on your abdomen. (Sometimes I opt out of the hands on the heart and abdomen, do what works best for you.) You can also practice mindful breath work here, or opt out of the breath work. I like the breath work as it brings me into the present moment. Personally, I practice smiling at myself while saying “I love you”, just like I would say it to a child, friend or loved one.
Remember, your brain/mind will do its best to protect you from the perceived pain and discomfort it thinks you are about to experience, and will attempt to talk you out of the practice. As before, take a moment to thank your brain/mind for protecting you and let it know you are safe.
Here are a few ideas you can add to your practice as you begin to get more comfortable.
Journaling before and or after
Meditation or Prayer before and or after
Breathwork to help calm the nervous system and bring you into the present moment.
Mindful Breathing: Breathing in you notice your cool breath moving through your nostrils, breathing out you notice the warmth of your breath moving through your nostrils. You can also add a mantra to this breathing practice: Breathing in I am loved, Breathing out I am love.
As you begin this practice of saying “I love you” or “I love myself”, remember to be compassionate with yourself. Yes, it will feel awkward and uncomfortable in the beginning. Don’t let that stop you, it will get easier and less awkward the more you practice.
I have found the practice of saying “I love you” or “I love myself”, to be a powerful tool throughout my healing journey. It is you showing up for yourself and it says “I’m here for you and I will always be here for you.” It’s a way to show yourself, “You are safe and you are loved.”
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