Ever Feel Overwhelmed?

Me Too!

In fact, the other day I found myself standing there staring at my overstuffed closet and feeling completely overwhelmed. 

Side note; in an effort to find the best way to organize my closet and clear the clutter, I threw out this question to the Facebook Curiosity Junkie Group; Does anyone have a great system for purging clothes/closets? And I got some really good responses I thought I would share with all of you. Laurey Donley recommended taking everything out, making 3 piles, keeping donate, trash and then having a brutally honest friend or family member help you eliminate as your try on. Kristi Sawyer sent me a link for Marie Kondo, turns out she has a whole method to help declutter. Even my own son, Jake, threw out a great idea: take the clothes for this season and turn your hangers backwards and at the end of the season, get rid of any hangers that are still backwards. And Pamela Love threw it out if you haven’t worn it in 3 years. Donate it.

All great ideas but what does all of this have to do with Trauma and choices? Stay with me for a minute, I’ll get there.

So back to my closet issue…

I was thinking, why do I have so many clothes when I only wear a handful of things. Why do I keep clothes that don’t fit well, or are no longer in style? Why do I hang on to those 3” heals that I will never wear again, because yoga sandals are way more comfortable. Why is my closet full of things that no longer serve the person I am today?

Is it fear?

Fear that as soon as I get rid of them I will need them again. Or is it the fear of not having enough to wear or enough to buy more if or when I might need to.

Is it the feelings of anxiety and overwhelm?

Just the thought of cleaning out and letting go of these items causes me to feel overwhelmed and a bit anxious. Is that due to the fact that I know the amount of work it will take to clear it out? Or the fact that I will need to research where I can take it and drop it off these days. (you know covid and all). Or is it the thought of loading it in my vehicle only to drive around with it for the next 30 to 90 days, because I will forget to stop and drop it off time and time again.

Is it the time it will take?

The hours I will spend touching each piece of clothing to ponder the fit, style, color and overall joy it brings me. Is it the time I will spend reminiscing about when I wore it, who I was with and what I was doing the last time I wore each item?

Or maybe it's my perfectionist/procrastinator mindset?

You know that voice that says, hey, there’s always tomorrow. Besides, do you really have the time to do the research, get all the boxes, make the lists, and do all the organizing today? Don’t you want to have a day set aside to do this when you actually have more time?

And so do I close the door and walk away feeling a bit relieved and yet frustrated and anxious because I know it will be there the next time I open the closet door? Or do I stop and make the time to clean out my closet and lift this huge overwhelming weight off my shoulders?

Well I chose to close the damn door and save the work for another day. I chose to continue to carry this nagging feeling of something needing to be done around with me a little longer. I chose to ignore my feelings of overwhelm and anxiety. I chose to ignore what really needed my attention. I chose to ignore me.

Here’s the thing…

When I choose to NOT deal with the overstocked closet, I am telling myself I don’t matter, my feelings don’t matter. I’m telling the one person who matters the most to me, you are not important enough to take action. What the hell!? I thought I was making my needs and wants a priority. And yet here I am choosing, yes it's about choice, to ignore what I really need. (I have heard that Olly Goodbye Stress supplement and Zen stress support supplements are great for those who like to take supplements.)

And on top of all that, did my overwhelm and anxiety go away? No, they are still there and they are now turning into frustration which leads to saying unkind things to myself. 

And everytime I open that closet door I’m reminded of the thing I chose not to do. I’m reminded that I chose NOT to do the thing I deeply desired, a thing that will help me to feel safe, secure and at ease in my own space. 

So let’s talk about choice and trauma and the fact that most, if not all, of us will choose someone else’s well being over our own. Or like in the case of my overstocked closet, I chose to ignore my own well being.

So why do we do that?

Well it turns out it’s trauma, we can blame it on trauma. Yay!

Just kidding! 

Healing trauma has nothing to do with blame, and everything to do with taking responsibility for ourselves and our healing process. It’s more about becoming self aware and understanding what's happened to us, so that when episodes like the closet come up for us, we understand that our traumas live in our bodies. Which means, of course we are going to become anxious, or shut down, or want to run away or maybe even get angry when we are triggered. Those are all natural responses to trauma and there is nothing wrong with any of them. 

A few days ago I took the Certified Trauma Support Specialist course from the Arizona Trauma Institute. I wanted to really understand Trauma and its effects on the brain and body. Because during my TRY Method certification course, I was introduced to a deeper understanding of trauma, and the neuroscience behind it. Which of course made me super curious about trauma and now I am obsessed! 

It turns out there is a study (Kaiser ACE Study) (or Risk and Protective Factors) and an ACE Questionnaire that will give you insights to traumas and experiences you may have encountered prior to your 18th birthday. Turns out I have a score of 5 and several of the categories were not something I would’ve considered trauma experiences.

It's a fascinating study and questionnaire, please take a few moments to check it out and maybe learn a little something new about yourself. Here are two videos to help you better understand. Nadine Burke Harris and Andrea Gonzalez, McMaster University

Did you know that trauma is not an event?

Trauma is an experience, a felt experience of the body that causes overwhelm. This overwhelm becomes a pattern that becomes stored in the nervous system.

Anyway getting back to choice, Something else I learned from The Trauma Recovery Yoga course that really hit home for me was that in the moments of those trauma experiences our choice was taken away from us. Yes, let me say that again, in the moments of trauma experiences our choice is taken from us. And over time, if we are not working to heal or release or build up our trauma resiliency, these trauma experiences make it difficult for us to feel comfortable making choices. It can make us feel like it’s wrong to put our needs first. For some it can be difficult to make decisions and choices when triggered. 

It’s all fascinating and I’ll be sharing more over time and once I am officially certified to teach Trauma Recovery Yoga, (which I hope is by Mid November) I will be offering weekly classes, as a way to help others build resilience, finding their choice voice, while feeling supported and connected to a community of resilent and empowered women.

Membership coming in 2023

I will also be launching a new membership program for 2023 and I’m super excited to share it with all of you.

For those of you who are wondering if I ever cleaned out the closet, the answer is YES! It took me a couple of days to take action, but I did it and I got it done. And now when I open the closet door, I smile and I feel proud of myself for choosing me. It’s a beautiful thing.

Love and Gratitude

Cassie